Fixed Gear Bikes Are Fucking Gay!!!

Fixed Gear Bikes are to now what a Leisure Suit was to the 70's Disco Scene, or what a pacifier was to the Rave scene, just a party accessory. These people don't give two shits about cycling or bikes or anything for that matter. Fixie Tards are a scourge upon the urban landscape, making the rest of us real bike riders look bad. They wear their sister's pants and have little fucking beanies on their dumb motherfucking heads, they can't ride so they crash all the time (which is good) but then hold up the ride because they can't even change out a flat tire (which is bad). In addition, only would one of these idiots take a perfectly good vintage Colnago and shave all the cable guides off to make their trendster cycle. 

These people are into it because it's trendy, they are cows, they are a bunch of fucking idiots that can't think for themselves. They are part of the problem. Every stop at a 7-11 is a crime scene where they pull some lame-ass frat boy shit like stealing beer. Now they steal each other's bikes. Bike theft is way up and these fixie fags are at the core of the problem. I hate these motherfuckers, they can't speak, they can't ride, and you know that they have no real vested interest in cycling at large, they must be stopped. Can I kill them? No. I'm not wasting my life to rid the world of this scourge, all I can do is share my hate for these raver douches. Buy my stickers and spread the hate. In time we'll burn a pile of these stupid bikes in a stadium like they did disco albums in the 70's. We will crush them, help me carry a torch on the witch hunt to destroy these vermin. Thanks. (stickers at bottom of the page)

Your mission is to take these stickers and put them where these idiots congregate, let them know that somewhere out there in the cycling community are people that hate them, that want them gone. Send us pictures of your missions and I'll add them to this page. Onward soldiers! I know you can do it, I have faith in you! Contact. 

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Yeah, it's been a while. I know. For that I'm sorry, I've just been busy. don't fret though my hate is ever present. I think about updates alot but I just don't want to steal a bunch of pics (I already did that) and vids and post them up as if that were doing something. I want to give straight from the heart. So here it goes...

I wonder what the cool people will do once this lame trend comes crashing down around them. Will there be a violent backlash like there was to disco in the 70's? (They burned disco records in pyres). Or will it be an embarrassing thing you did when you were young and dumb like having a mullet (guilty.) in the 80's? But where do they go? In my local bike scene all the tattooed covered white kids are long gone and I wonder where they have gone to, back to the Midwest? Back on Heroin? Vintage Motorcycles? That seems short lived. They're just..gone. Faded into the ether. I was in a hipster infested area of town the other day (eww..gross. I know right?) and very few of them were riding bikes and even fewer were riding fixies and even fewer were riding the garish cheap fixies that are pervasive now-a-days. All of the above are still gay as Christmas in July, don't think I'm going soft here. Do you cash in your cool points when you turn 30 and just go get some tattoo removal, don some Dockers and become an accountant? I can't see this trend to be long lived, perhaps another year or three, then hating them will be in vogue and I will reign supreme bitches! But then even hating on fixie tards will become pedestrian and I to, will become a trend that has ran it's course. 

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I had this sent in by a viewer:

I think the pinnacle of fixie pixie style has been reached. Now why would you want to take all the ability to leverage your bike away by removing the handle bars? Was it made for this purpose or did someone look at the French fryer potato slicer at work and see the potential to be the gayest of them all?  Assuming it's a bike part how could you sell them with a straight face? "Here you go kid, you want the coolest and we got it, the T-Handle attachment only 79.95!" I've seen super small bars before but this is a whole new level, it's like one uncircumcised penis with a loose foreskin storing two cut dicks inside of it like a squirrel stores nuts. Gay.

Latest Rant:

Facebook is gay. I know, I know, it has nothing to do with hating fixed gear bikes but they always tell you to do what you're good at and I'm good at hating things. My reasons for not joining this, the lamest of all cults are many and valid. Instead of filling up 10 pages with my hate, you can read this poorly drawn comic instead, it conveys the point well enough, and if you agree with me, I have some stickers for you.

Stickers are 1" x 6"

                                                                                                          

                                                                                                           

Latest Rant:

If a picture is worth a 1000 words, then that word is gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay. Yes, chicks can be gay. 1001 bitches.  

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I don't know who is more lame, the people that wrote this article or the people that the article is about. Regardless, it's worth a chuckle or two, check it out.

http://christwire.org/2011/07/hipsters/

Latest Rant:

What the fuck is up with the super short bars? Why? How can you juggle your 40oz, blunt, ipod, and falling out ear plug all at once when you have these super small bars on your bike? You can't. The bars are so small now that you can only get a hand around them if you're 12 or a glam rocker named Roholio or some shit. Lame. Messengers used to cut bars to shoulder width to slice traffic, these cut down bars are in the extreme, what next? A brody knob instead of handle bars? I guess it makes for more crashes and fixie-tards crashing is fine, unless they crash into me. 

Latest Rant:

Do you really think that by plunking down 300 bucks to by a new fixie you can suddenly attain a level of "cool". Get real. One of my main problems with the this whole trend is the supposition that one can purchase coolness by simply buying a bike, stealing your sister's pants and riding off into the night. I spit on cool, on the idea of cool and the notion that trying to be cool is something that one should strive for. I guess when you're 12 it seems like a valuable status to achieve but when you become an adult? Really? Get real. It's laughable that so many of these trendsters take themselves so seriously, I surely don't. If you want to read my rant on how the concept of cool is a fraud, click here. Otherwise, go ride your bike it's an awesome day outside.  

Latest Rant:

I got this e-mail:

Monica,

Firstly, Moving to SF was a bad move. Are you cool enough? Do you have lots of tats and a Motorhead T-shirt? Is your hair dyed black? Are you Vegan? Do you have a degree in Art or Sociology? If you can't answer Yes to most of the above questions then your new chosen home will ridicule you at large, don't even worry about bikes.

Here's the deal, the fixie kids are the ones who are snobs, most (not all) other kinds of cyclists are cool people. People who like and ride bikes are on a general level easy going and fun happy people to be around. People who ride fixed gear bikes are doing it because it's trendy, they don't give two shits about bikes. When it becomes fashionable to wear your underwear on the outside of your pants, these people will drop the bikes and put their chones on the outside, they suck, the end. 

Any bike you'd like to ride would be fine, I'd recommend an old full rigid mountain bike with slicks and fenders as it gets wet in coolsville. Cheap and plentiful so you can squander all the rest of your money on outrageous rent.

And I got this one:

It's easy to take bits and pieces of a rant or an idea and then character assassinate that part because you've made your own argument and then knocked it down. It's called a "straw man argument" look it up. I don't really expect you to like me, nor did I set out to do this and make friends along the way. You're message reeks of sarcasm, and that is my job, not yours. And I misspelled a word, I'm sorry unlike you I never made any claims to being perfect. Now go back to your little perfect world where you live on a little perfect island, alone. Good day to you sir! Good day indeed. 

Latest Rant:

Aerospoke wheels:

Nothing says, "I'm a moronic trendster" more than a fucking aerospoke wheel. These shits look like a tomato, that is not on top of your burger, no. It's pink or orange or some other color that does not match the rest of the bike. In fact, the more ugly, clashing colors you have the better. Ever heard of a color wheel? Perhaps something is in the water and all these people are colorblind. And why? Why do you need a aerospoke rim? Are you a racer? Are you training for time trials or ride the velodrome on the regular? Doubtful you even know where the closest velodrome is do you? Bet you know where the nearest circle K or 7-11 is don't you, you dumb motherfucker. Gay. Go die.

Latest Rant:

One of my friends looked at my site and said it was really angry. Really? No shit! What the hell do you expect? When a plague of morons come over the hill and ruin your whole deal, wouldn't you be pissed off too? 

Latest Rant:

Use of the word "gay". 

When I was a kid we used to throw that word around for something that was lame. We also called each other "gaylord". You think I'm gay bashing or some shit you can suck my dick. I don't think anyone gets to own a particular word, homosexuals want to own gay, well too fucking bad cause' I'm going to use it how I fucking want, when I want. I have friends that are homosexuals and they are no different, they like to suck dick and I like to eat pussy, so fucking what. So if you can't wrap your head around that one then you need to just go fuck off and die with all the other "sensitive" people out there that need to get a fucking hobby for real. My hobby: wrecking the whole fixie fag scene one sticker at a time. 

Go to the bottom to see stupid fucking comments people made!

Stickers are 1" X 6" made of Vinyl are sticky and durable.

They cost 2 bucks each or all 8 for 10 dollars, shipped anywhere in the lower 48. Add an extra sticker or two for out of country orders. Be honest. I'm not doing this for money, I'm doing it for hate.

OR

Get all 8 Stickers for 10 bucks.

Other stickers! People always tell you do what you're good at and I'm good at hating people! So I made some other stickers to spread the love. More in the future, there are so many things to bash in this world. 

Hey, I think it's funny. You can two for two bucks.

Cars have been coming with these shits since the 40's use them. 

I could do a whole other web site dedicated to hating cell phones, they are gay. Driving a car while talking on your cell phone is even gayer (yeah I know it's not a word)

These stickers are 2 X 6" are sticky, and made of vinyl made in the USA bitches.

See, some people can take a joke and some as you can see below are just too fucking sensitive. I'm sure your parents are happy to know that all the money they spent on a sociology degree has went to good use with you walking around with a giant chip on your shoulder just waiting for someone to "offend" you. Now, go fuck off and die!!

"PC" (a web handle)  Bashing fixed gear bikes is about as bleeding-edge as claiming that your band was influenced by Gang of Four.

His second post:

            ...and about as interesting.

Interesting enough to make a SECOND comment. Here I found a picture of you steeped deep in fixed gear sin, gratuitous spoke cards and all, Sinner! I'm sorry I'm not cool enough to know who Gang of Four are (and no, I won't "Google" it.) I can only surmise they are four guys who circle jerk on a cracker and you pedal your fixed gear bike to go eat it. I'm not interested in being cutting edge, or bleeding edge, I want to be no-edge: So fucking beyond the beyond that you'll never even know about it. Who has time to be cool when there's fixed gear bikes and riders to hate? It's a job, a mission, and purpose does not care a lick about being on the edge of anything but the edge of completion. 

Jeme A Brelin: I kind of want to put that "Fuck your fixed gear bike" sticker on my fixed gear bike. It's good advice.

While you're at it, you should fuck off too, I should make another sticker just for your forehead.

Halldor Orn Gunnarsson: I like those, except for the ad on the bottom of all of them...I do have a sticker in my fixed gear that says "Fixies are lame."

How the fuck to you expect them to spread if I don't fuckin' advertise? Get real dude.

Jeme A Brelin

The irony there is cliché and dumb. I, of course, was referring to engaging in physical acts of lust with your fixed gear bike.

Irony is when you have no wrinkles in your clothes you moron!!!

The worst thing about the ad at the bottom (and the site, generally) is the offensive use of "gay" as a pejorat...ive. But man, homosexuality is gay.

What? Are you offend by the word gay? I like gay, I like the word and I don't think we use it enough so I do my part and say it all the time. You're gay!

Phil Sano: the best part of stickers is that you can cut them up and make something new of them.

Yesterday at 2:25pm · 

Like "I have a drawing of a bike frame on my head?" Please tell me that's a drawing and not a tattoo...what? it is a tattoo? That's...bad. Not gay but bad.

Kelly Peach i want a bumper sticker that says, 'people who STILL use gay as an insult are ignorant fucks'

Yesterday at 4:02pm ·

And I want a bumper sticker that says "What the fuck is on your head?" You gutted some poor stuffed animal and shoved your head up his ass, you're mean and I don't like you!!!

Mykle Hansen When I call something gay, that means I like it!

21 hours ago ·

Fuck yeah, I'm "gay" for these stickers!!!

Halldor Orn Gunnarsson sticker cutting is fun

Even if you cut them up, you still had to buy them which means I win. Bitch.

Lauren Warbeck This is an excellent example of: The kind of bike community I don't want to create or be a part of; The kind of bullshit that prevents queers from participating in bike community; A petty diatribe by a privileged exclusionary heterosexist fuck; A waste of my cerebral capacity.

15 hours ago ·

Whoa! Easy with the college words there sweet cheeks! This is the internets after all.... 

Nickey Robare

Other things to hate about this:
Casual use of tard as an insult. (seriously, guys. just as bad as saying gay)
Gender policing "They wear their sister's pants" (so I guess girls don't ride fixed gears? or maybe somehow you know they are weari...ng their sisters pants?)
Incoherent spelling "little fucking beanines on their dumb motherfucking heads" (what the hell is beanine? benign tumor, maybe?)
BOO.See More

My use of the word tard is no laughing matter, it's short for retard, I see you provided me with a picture of one in your profile...it looks just like you.

Matthew Harris Thank you for reminding me why I left Portland!

6 hours ago · 

Yes, all the sensitivity is a little smothering yes?

Steev Hise it's a shame, without the hateful extremism, homophobia, gender policing, and use of the word "tard", this would be pretty spot on. fixies are kind of dumb and overly faddish.

Amen Brother! However I think calling me and extremist is a bit too extreme, I don't drink Mountain Dew nor have a long goatee....

Craigslist Morons

Do I really need to tell you what kind of window lickers you find on Craigslist? Try and sell something on there and you will be bombarded by a hundred people with a collective I.Q. of 37. Dipshits can sell things too... Observe:

26 inch rim! great for barspins!

i have this rim need gone asap call or txt 323 217 5951

Why is this rim great for barspins? No price, no pic. It could be a steel beach cruiser rim off a Murray Monteray from the 1980's for all you know, or it could look just like the front wheel that got stolen off your bike when you went to the store... When I look for a new wheel, the barspin quality is what I'm really after, next the color like neon orange so when I look down, I get blinded by my own wheel. And he needs it gone ASAP? How much space does a bicycle wheel take up? 

Fixed gear for sale

Fixed gear Bike. Frame is a jamus maxway 54" (blAck frame) it has a sugino crank with odessy pedals and hold fast retention system. The rims are wymann dp 18 with brand new randonner tires. Orgin 8 steam and bars. Vp threadless heatset. Velo orange streched cow hide seat. Uno seat clamp, orgin 8 seat post.. This bycycle is in awsome condition ready to ride.. Im selling it because i got a new car.. I am open to offers and i can deliver if ur a in the area..

Can we say spellcheck? Do I really need to break down all the spelling errors, they glow fucking red so unless you're colorblind there's no excuse. Bycycle? What the fuck? He/she/it is selling because they got a new car...it just proves my point that the fixie is just a fashion accessory for 99% of these illiterate fucks, then they're on to the next thing. Hopefully that next thing is heroin so they will OD and die and stop taking up our precious air with their open mouth breathing.  

aerospoke

ii haveee, a frontt aerospokeeee!!!
itsss innn goood conitionnn.
itt hass noo dentsss, spinns truue butt hasss scratchesss butt notthing majorr...
hmuuu...
txt or call 1(323)617-6643
ii have noo pics yettt.....

OOOOKKKEEEEEYYY I"MMMEEE AAAEE FUCINNNNNGG MORONNNN! This motherfucker talks like a Sleezstak from land of the lost.   And why do you need an Areospoke rim to stand in front of a 7-11 and run interference while your underage pals steal beer? Where is the other rim? Somewhere, there is a bike missing it's front wheel. That's why there are no pics because you most likely stole that shit. Who doesn't have a phone with a camera now a days? Get real, I hope you get hit by a bussssss andddd yoooooo dieeeeeee! 

AEROSPOKE CLEAN

IAM SELLING MY AEROSPOKE FOR $240 OR BETER OFFER..
ITS IN GREAT CONDITION..
NO DENT, NON OF THAT IT CLEAN..
GIVE ME A IF YOUR INTRESTED IN IT AT (323)270-7843